Before you do anything, read the about me post. You'll find everything you need to know there. Or don't and read some other post if you like.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Tears of joy
Performance… Yup. I can see myself there.
Vague post that may not make sense.
I started re-reading A Game of Thrones. Finished a chapter and decided to listen to Simple Math. This brings me back to last year. It was interesting to feel what I’m feeling right now (that I felt last year too), but it is not pretty. Especially now that I’m having a bit of control over my life and what I want.
On Fantasizing About Writing a lot of Cool Stuff
Me: Yeah, I should probably do something for that blog I have. The last post must be two months old, and I don’t want it to turn into another failed endeavour. Yup, I’m gonna write more stuff.
*Gets into shower*
Me: I could write about personal experiences, but without making it serious or deep. I work better when I’m not taking things seriously. That settles it, they will be comedic posts; the things I’m gonna write about will be real, but the way I’m gonna write about them will make them funny. Wait, but I’m not precisely a funny person. Well, I guess when I’m not over analyzing things and taking them seriously, like I said, I can be a pretty funny guy. But to write something I’m gonna need to do some serious thinking, besides, I’m not an overtly confident person, so I don’t know how that will work out..
[I should probably stop wasting water and wash now.]
Me in third person: Ok, you say write about personal experiences and stuff but without being committed to convey the stories in an objective way, therefore opening the possibilities for humor. If you manage to put aside all your limitations you might just make it. Good, go for it. In fact, here are some possible titles for posts you can write.
[Idiot. He will probably lose all motivation when he hops out of the shower and realizes how silly his idea is.]
*Leaves shower*
Me: This is a stupid idea. I probably won’t do it. Besides, what I write may not be funny at all. I’m not sure about this…
…
Eh, I’ll do it. I know what my first post will be.
[Like those movies where the opening scene is a bunch of dead bodies, and then the movie goes back in time and you see everything leading up to that event. Just as exciting!]
—-
Look! This post is available for the world to see! Against all odds, I made it!
I never was very capable of expressing my feelings or emotions in words. I don’t know whether this is the cause why I did it in music and also why I did it in painting. Or vice versa: That I had this way as an outlet. I could renounce expressing something in words.
Management of twitter and tumblr to waste as little time as possible: done.
Baby-steps.
An object, just by the nature of its physical being, resists possession in a way because it’s an object, you know. You can’t carry around a building obviously. You can’t possess it, in a way. I guess you can own it, like real estate, but that’s short-lived anyway. Music is nebulous. We talk about intellectual property of music, but that’s just politics. I don’t know what that means. That’s why I really believe that the song sustains its own consciousness and is dispossessed of its owner, and then it basically yields to the multitudes of listeners, of consumers, and everyone owns the song. It’s such a relief for me to acknowledge that because I feel far less possessive of my own music, and I feel less earnest and less despairing about its worth, or its value, and more willing to just make it, create it, do my best work possible, and then give it away. We’re born into this world naked and screaming, with no possessions. And we leave in the same way, you know? We can’t take it with us. All we have is our bodies and our souls and that’s it. I don’t even think our bodies are our own. I think that’s just borrowed. So give it away, that’s what I say. Give it away.
Sufjan Stevens (via fuckyeahsufjanstevens)
(Source: postpostrock.com)
The bad thing is that I’m gonna have to skip on doing some things with this account like the reblogs… but, what if I don’t? There must be a way to mix it up with what I had going on my other account. Yes, I’ll see what I can do.
—-
Yes, I will. It’s not gonna be as frequent as before, but it’s going to be awesome.
Yeah, so… I haven’t been able to make this work the way I wanted it. Too many excuses… eventually, though. Gotta catch up on my music theory.
So many things to do, that I want to do, and that I can do. I like this feeling. It gets scary because I completely lack self confidence and I don’t know if I’m going to succeed (whatever that means), but it beats sitting around doing nothing.
Measurable goals and measurable desires (wait, isn’t that the same?). This can work. And if it doesn’t I’m sure there will be a lesson somewhere.
—-
Oh, look. I was just going to make a comment on how I haven’t been consistent with this thing and suddenly I start writing other stuff. Good.
Two more months passed without a meaningful post. Yay, commitment.
Edit: month and a half.
Personality and change
You recognize your personality based on the way you act, and the way you think. You accept it because otherwise you will live in denial and misery (it is not conforming, but embracing). You finally are at ease with yourself. But what if that personality is frowned upon by most people (and even you, when you see somebody else acting that way)? Do you have the possibility of changing? Recognizing how you act could be a first step, if it is possible to change, but is it really possible? You can blend in for however long you can, but in the end someone will see how you really are.
A more important question would be, would you like to change? Do you need to change? [ok, there were two, but the second one occurred to me right as I was writing the first one]. It would be convenient to be a certain way (i.e. knowing someone genuinely and maintaining a relationship to the point of being able to ask for favors without feeling that you are just using said person) because it would make things easier, but what if there’s a way around it? [I don’t know where I’m getting at anymore.] What if you can find a way to be yourself but at the same time adapt to this social world? That would be the ideal middle ground. Is it possible to achieve it?
—-
This wasn’t the direction I wanted to take with this account, but I think I can make it work, as long as I keep the whinnying to a minimum. I still have some stuff to write about music, and books, meaning that not all of my posts will be like this one.
